I am having a stupid, awful existential crisis about graduation. And you know what? I make comments all the time about having an existential crisis – and I don’t even really know what that fucking means.
Anyway. In a homework-avoiding fit of restlessness and nostalgia, I was looking at some old shit on facebook and came across a list of ’25 Things About Me’ that I wrote in 2009. I feel like rehashing it to see what is different and what is the same. So here goes nothing.
1. Over the last seven months I have lost 40 lbs, thanks to will power and determination I didn’t know I had, and the Weight Watchers Program. – I kept the weight off for around two years – and now need to lose around 60 lbs to get down to my original Weight Watchers ‘goal weight’
2. I’ve realized recently that the only time I’ve ever felt like I fit in was my year at UAF. – The older I get, the more I think I ‘fit in’ or feel right in my skin, or something like that.
3. I am really, really tired a lot of the time. – Still true.
4. I prefer knitting and baking over most other activities. – Also still true.
5. Most of the time I get so nervous speaking up in class I just don’t do it, because I end up stuttering or screwing up my words. And my heart races. It is one of my least favorite personality traits that I possess. – Still semi-true. In the last six months or so my anxiety surrounding this has decreased greatly, but I attribute a lot of that to taking classes with a lot of the same people, so I am more comfortable around them.
6. I wear my hair and makeup the same way pretty much everyday. – Eh, again still semi-true. Been experimenting with makeup lately, and sort of with my hair. But, generally, always the same.
7. So far, I’m not doing so well with the younger siblings growing up thing. I’m pretty sure when I have my own kids I’ll have an aneurysm when they turn 18. – Little brother turned 18 this past week, sisters are 23 now, and I am totally cool with it.
8. I’m taking a Child Development class this semester, and it is one of the most fascinating classes I’ve ever taken. – I got a fucking NB grade in that class (which stands for No Basis, meaning the professor decided I didn’t do enough work for her to justify giving me a grade period) and I worked at a daycare for a year and a half and ended up hating it. Love kids, hated the job.
9. I’ve started writing this list like at least three times and stopped after number 5 or so. We’ll see if I can make it through this one. – I still get regularly distracted. But have stuck with this so far!
10. I’m 20 and I still sleep with a teddy bear. – I would probably still be sleeping with a teddy bear had I not LOST him in Anchorage a few years ago.
11. I love the smell of clean laundry over most other smells. – Still true.
12. I LOVE wearing long sleeve shirts. – Also still true, but definitely have been branching out my clothes realm lately.
13. I have a large vocabulary, and I looooooooove it! – I *thought* I had a large vocabulary; I think I was wrong. Perhaps my vocabulary is slightly bigger than average, but definitely not large by any means.
14. I love being alone, but at the same time I get lonely really easily. It’s sort of a problem. – Still pretty true, although I spend a lot less time alone than I used to.
15. I used to say that music was what “kept me sane.” Now, I’m not so sure about that. – Uh, yeah, that was me being a lame teenager speaking.
16. I hate being away from my family, a lot. – Still decently true, although it’s been a while since I’ve been away from them for long periods.
17. I follow way too many TV Shows. – Definitely still true.
18. I have 12 piercings, they are all in my ears. – Again, still true.
19. I hate losing jewelry, but I always do it. – I have thankfully stopped losing jewelry, for the most part.
20. I think sometimes I act a lot more grown up than I feel. And vice versa. – Definitely still true.
21. I think way, way too much. – Again, definitely still true.
22. I plan my outfits based on who I think I’ll see that day. – True, although I have started dressing more for myself rather than who I will see that day.
23. I really have very little desire to travel unless it is to visit someone. – Yup.
24. I’m really terrible at watching movies, because I’m always doing something else while watching them. – Eh, I think I have gotten better at this.
25. I love feeling like an important part of someone’s life. – Don’t we all? How was this an interesting fact about myself?